Three Pimps and a Crack Whore: 09/01/2004

I swear the lead character, David, looks like a twelve year old Ryan. No seriously look at this

you know what movie was the best action adventure movie of the mid eighties???!! The Flight of the Navigator. I wonder if it ever made it to DVD.

Who Shot First?

In the tradition of the long lived "Time Debate" (that I won) but in hopefully much less of a time, here is the problem with Jon's recent post. If Solo and Greedo shoot at the same time, then your question over who shot first doesn't matter. Solo kills Greedo regardless of who shoots first, so either Greedo shoots first, Han shoots back and Greedo dies, they shoot simultaneously, or Han shoots ONLY. Though I know that phrase is improper, I meant it to reflect you position of Han shooting first, which while it is accurate, does imply that Greedo shoots second (which you later go on to say) of which for the last 20 or so years, is not true. Greedo doesn't shoot second, Greedo doesn't shoot at all.

The other thing about Greedo shooting is that he didn't actually go there to kill Solo, he went to take Solo to Jabba, and then he tried to make a deal with Solo, that if he gave Greedo the money he owed Jabba, he would forget he ever saw him. But then when he doesn't have the money, Greedo decides he wants to kill him. This is where Lucas's idea of Han seeming bad for shooting first is wrong, simply because Greedo is GOING to kill him. Read.

HAN

Yeah, but this time I got the money.

GREEDO

If you give it to me, I might forget I found you.

HAN

I don't have it with me. Tell Jabba...

GREEDO

Jabba's through with you. He has no time for smugglers who
drop their shipments at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser.

HAN

Even I get boarded sometimes. Do you think I had a choice?

Han Solo slowly reaches for his gun under the table.

GREEDO

You can tell that to Jabba. He may only take your ship.

HAN

Over my dead body.

GREEDO

That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for
a long time.

HAN

Yes, I'll bet you have.

Suddenly the slimy alien disappears in a blinding flash of
light. Han pulls his smoking gun from beneath the table as the
other patron look on in bemused amazement. Han gets up and
starts out of the cantina, flipping the bartender some coins
as he leaves.

HAN

Sorry about the mess.

I think though that we are actually in agreement, I just wanted to rerebut. It was better when Solo just blew Greedo away with that smug Harrison Ford look on his face.

If we had a level of professionalism, we wouldn't be allowed to say "shitmix."

The UPS lady called today. She was like, "Oh you don't live in an apartment. It'll be there tomorrow." I hate the UPS lady.

I had a dream last night that it was pouring rain, and for some reason, my bed was sitting out in the driveway. After reading that sentence, I must add: No I did not wet my bed.

I finished reading "Fight Club" last night, after buying it only four hours prior. Rob, or "HippiePimp" I have issues with it as well. I think the whole anarchy and self destruction theme was well represented in the book, but I think the ending just kind of fell off. I like the story the movie tells better. I bought "The Giver" as well. It's what I'll be reading now that UPS had decided that I can't have my DVD collection this week.

Nopa, I found your birthday present today. I know it's not until December, but I found it, and you'll like it.

Peace out, tomales.

what level of professionalism? :)

Seriously guys, as a representative of "Fascinating People who Love to Hug Trees" (FPLHT) I am offended by the title "Tree Hugger Pimp" as it would suggest that I condone or participate in the trafficking floral sexual exploitation or, to speak in the vernacular, "Pimping out redwoods to bitches who need bark." I don't think that my personal tastes (the fact that i'm an omnisexual, or that I'm currently dating a pine) should in any way blemish the terminology used on this site. I hope we can continue to aspire to the level of professionalism that this page initially demanded at its inception.

Rob's new pimp name: Tree Hugger Pimp

I was supposed to get a package last week too. Maybe it's a nation - no world wide conspiracy. Maybe mailmen & mailwomen all over the world are on strike because people are sending to many packages. Maybe there are warehouses out there with millions of packages and there are mail people screaming "too many packages! stop sending packages!" So then UPS & DHL & FedEx & FedRussia & UPCanada & NewGuineaExpress is all like "look guys/gals, I know there's a lot of packages, but you seriously have to start sending packages, this is ridiculous" So they prolly JUST started sorting through all the packages and are putting the packages on the trucks or camels or whatever, and they should get to us by THursday or Friday. Yea.

Packages!

I hate Illinois Nazis...

I say they fight!!!

Yes, let the addict little tarts fight it out to there own peril, drownding in mud and each others slimy skin!!!Yes monopoly. Strip parchessee....make it so! Make it so!

So this is cool. Posting. Posting like a pimp. Nope, not much to say. I say most of what i have to say usually on my own site, which I will shamelessly advertise here. We should have t-shirts. We should have t-shirts that say "Read my blog because I'm a fascinatingly complex individual fighting against societal norms and stereotypes. And I like trees and yoga and shit." Yeah, all that. And maybe "You should think about who's yuppie you are if you're down with my sickness." Yeah.

P.S.
I am hereby putting forthe a boycot towards Ryan "Cap" Treeharn because of the lies he has put forthe so many times before. He said he'd blog. And I believed him. But now I see his deception. I see the truth behind his shallow propaganda. I bet if we did some research we'd find that he's a capitalist too. I hate Michigan Capitalists almost as much as I hat Illinois Nazis.

re: Fuck UPS. Fuck them up their stupid asses.

I'm waiting on a pacakge from UPS that was supposed to be here friday, guarenteed to be here by yesterday, and has still not shown up today. In it is my entire DVD and Gamecube collection. It's 4pm and it still has not arrived, and there is also no "Sorry we missed you" note. UPS sucks, they're fucking clownshoes. If they were real I would beat the shit out of them for being so stupid. I for one will be boycotting UPS, who is with me?

Well there's now me, Jon, and Rob on this site. I think Cap is invited, but he never posts, so it appears that our three pimps are covered, leaving Lola and Jackie fighting for the position of crack whore. I suggest a mud wrestling match. Or Jell-O wrestling. Or Twister! Oh! How about Monopoly... strip Monopoly!!! Maybe you could thumb wrestle...MUD thumb wrestle!!!

Or maybe there can be two, I guess.

Speaking of which, Jackie, a while ago when we started dating, I wrote on my website, "I'm dating a crack whore." My uncle got really pissed off, because he thought I was dating a woman who promiscuously has sex with random men for money she uses to maintain her crack cocaine addiction. He thought this until I cleared it up for him nearly five months later.

Robbie. Don't be thinkin you can just up and take my title. That is so not cool.

I am so insulted.

This is not medical school to the nacho.

I am on the Three Pimps and a Crack Whore page now. Now, there is the question of who will be playing the part of the three pimps and who will be the crack whore. I volunteer Lola because she is, in fact, a crack whore in real life. I mean, I figure if you're going to call it one you should have the real deal.

Ok, this is a little weird, but I felt the need to share it. First of all, who allows a little kid to hang out here? You can actually watch this poor confused little boy in the background realize he's going through puberty. Beware, this link is slightly sexually explicit, but contains no little boy porn, just some nice boobies.

Nootch.

I was going to make a post and I read it, and I was being an ass. Like, for real ass... not intentionally, while I was writing it I thought it was funny. It wasn't. For that I apologize, despite the fact that no one saw it. Anyways, I've got nothing to say. G'night.

Medical School!! May cause drowsiness... from your coffin... because you're dead!!

Dude. That was totally medical school.

I had a dream someone tried to kill Laura Barb while she was sitting in a hot tub about two years ago. Now there was going to be a trial for attempted murder, and I had to pay a lawyer $3000 to represent me, even though I wasn't a suspect. That's all I really remember.

Ok, last night I had the WEIRDEST dream. I was running down this hallway and all of a sudden I'm in this classroom and everyone is seated at a desk. I found one in the back and quickly sat down. I can see the teacher and he keeps talking about dogs and how to train them to be violent and attack. BUT like he says that the dogs are not violent like biting and barking violent - they're crazy hump your leg violent. So all of a sudden I'm kicking this stupid Akita off my leg and I can't shake it off! I remember waking up to Paul going "stop stop, are you ok??" I remember thinking "what the hell? I'm sleeping!" Then I wasn't in my bed anymore, I was out in this field of grass and that stupid cat that sits on my porch all the time is staring at me. So I ran towards this road and I tripped and fell on a rock. I got up and I was in the pet store, out in Novi, holding a cute little Beagle and the salesman was like "Awe isn't he the cutest?"

.....Then I got up, took a shower, and off to work I went.

I thought I'd probably have a dream about fairy's or bat's or something..considering I've been watching Fern Gully for like two weeks straight. Who knew?

Welcome to "One Pimp and Three Other People Who Don't Post."

Ok, I just posted a comment on Lola's site about a crazy dream I had about her last night. So I'm giving you guys something to talk about here, post a synopsis of a weird dream you've had. Recently, years ago, anytime. JUST SOMEONE POST SOMETHING!!!

Three Pimps and a Crack Whore

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Friday, September 17, 2004

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Friday, September 03, 2004

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

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